He had to paint, and he did...his self-attacks and self-doubts slowed him down. He painted best when he felt good...it was as if his self-hatred fueled as well as suffocated him. Perhaps he needed the challenge of doing something against great and impossible odds in order to do anything at all. He needed debility aas a foil to radiance. Over and over his attacks sought to cancel him out and he emerged with fresh vision. He lived the rebirth archetype...he needed to break himself down in order to begin freshly and nakedly.